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Let’s talk next a little bit about healthy boundaries and learning how to say no. Learning to say no is one of the most important things that you can do. Moms are the worst at this because they always want to take on more. So if you’re struggling with chronic illness and you can’t learn to say no, then what you’re actually doing is you’re taking on other people’s problems, other people’s busy work, other people’s things that you don’t already have time to do these things for yourself. But now you’re taking on more because you don’t how to say no because a lot of people in today’s society feel guilty if they do say no. Where do we draw some of the boundaries? We draw boundaries at work. We draw boundaries at school. We also draw boundaries at home. Those are the primary areas for most people where you really want to draw boundaries. Analyzing these things and honoring yourself to say, look, if I don’t have time already to take care of these needs, but now I’m going to take care of all of these needs, all I’m really going to do is further deteriorate my own health.
Surround yourself with others who are good for you. I like to use the term tribe. Build your tribe of people like you, not diatribe, not people who are going to bring you down, talk negative or derogatory to you. Sometimes it’s hard to draw that line and many of you struggle with drawing that line in the sand and saying, look, I love you. I care about you, but I don’t necessarily want to be around you. In those types of scenarios sometimes you have to make decisions about not surrounding yourself. Even though they may be family, they may not be what’s best for you when you’re trying to overcome a chronic illness. Think about it as your frenemies, right? People who you perceive to be friends, but they’re really not really ever very supportive. And so sometimes this is one of the hardest things to do because again, we go back to that sense of guilt. There’s a sense of sense of guilt where we don’t want to tell some of these frenemies no when they ask us for favors, but then when, when they’re around us, we get all the diatribe. And so that what we have done is we’ve built a tribe of people that pull us down consistently over time. That’s going to derail your health. Identify who those people are and learn how to get away from them as much as possible or spend as little amount of time with them as possible.
Next is the power of self forgiveness. We are always our own worst critic.
Being your own critic you come down on yourself harder than anyone else will. And so part of this is knowing that as a human, we’re all human, right? So as part of the human tribe, as a general rule of thumb, none of us are perfect, right? Human equals not perfect. And so in that regard, sometimes we’re going to make mistakes. Sometimes we’re going to do things incorrectly. The important thing here is that when you do fail you forgive yourself, provided that your failures become lessons. That really is the walkaway. Some people look at their failures as the end. That’s it. I failed. And then they just, they get into this kind of failure, self-criticism cycle and it’s just repetitive over and over, repetitively going over and over and over again. But failures, if we’re paying attention failures are lessons that we can learn from so that hopefully we don’t make the same or repetitive mistakes over and over and over again. That’s when we truly fail is when we forget to learn or we that we don’t learn from the mistakes.